Keanu Reeves and mutton

Exactly what goes on at 3:14 in the wee hours of a rezervation morning, besides the howlings of  coyotes - the grumblin moanings of a hungry stomach, the barking of mutts across the street, snores coming down a flight of stares, or do I dare say - dreams that riddled and fiddled while everyone is asleep.

Insomnia, has crept itself back into my bed, snuggling up to me to keep me warm while the fan above swirls and pushes down cold wisp-in air through my hair, my nose curls up and I give in - I toss and turn - there is no way to toss and turn while your eyes are closed, can't be done when insomnia has you chained up in a wake fest of it's own. Does that make sense? Mind you this is a 3 am rambling of insomniatic hijinx.

I've been hijacked and kidnapped - taken to the world of fairies, pirates, and vampires (let's not forget my pirate(s) are Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp, and my vampire is Edward Cullen). I have this tendency to wake up at 11 am, no matter what time I go to sleep - so it really may not matter if insomnia is my problem, I still get the recommended hours of sleep.  HA - beat that insomnia - I still get sleep!!! 

Then after my recommended hours of sleep I shall be off to enjoy a day in Cortez, Co. Let's see what kind of fun I can conjure up while in Colorado. Please don't say Ute Mtn Casino, I'm not the casino type - I'm not into sitting in a smoke filled room - inhaling second hand smoke from the lungs of die hard black jack players or slot machine hoarders. 

Yup, I'll pass. ooh, wait is Brad Pitt and George Clooney in this casino? If they are then that changes everything. Maybe, they'd take me to dinner - Can I have the seafood buffet served on Friday nights? Second thought - How does one enjoy a fresh (so they advertise) seafood buffet when the nearest ocean is 13 hours away? Ewww, I'll pass and chomp on some frozen fish sticks from Bashas. Getting back to my imaginary dates, Brad and George, we'll spend ridonculous amounts of pennies in the pennie slots (sorry Abe - this is all these two can afford) and then I'll take them to the best food stand - [u know the one that has a flat screen]- in Shiprock. They'll be rubbing their bellies, and smacking their lips...Umm, get back to reality here, if this was a movie and their paycheck depended on eating at the best table on the Rez - I ain't taking them to no foodstand, I'm getting a live sheep - it's time to butcher, baby - can you see it -  Brad standing there ready to cry, while George runs over the hill as he fastens the very top button of his Armani shirt - WIMPS - go back to Hollywood - UR no actor !!.  

I'm tired now...what were with the Hollywood men in this post?  - 

I forgot to add Keanu Reeves showed up and gutted the sheep for me..Now, thats what I'm talking about a real man.

FRYBREAD and V8

I'm  losing control..cause of the power your supplying - sang Olivia to John.  I sang with such high hopes the opposite "I want to gain control cause of the power your supplying" lalalala - song clearly is my saving face device to clear the bad chi that invaded my space-  chi is bad when the energy in your space gets tainted, u know if you sit in it unknowingly - your innards will become stale and consumed with blank unhappy thoughts - then in turn lead you to make some silly decisions. Bad Chi invaded and surrounded my personal space when I went into my room and threw in a dvd-Karate Kid starring non-other than Ralph Macchio..Why? I say Why? I was not in the mood to watch Daniel -San get his bootie served up to him on a platter by the vehement Cobra Kai. 

Go Johnny Go - hahaha. Did I unconsciously want to feel sad for the kid who was being bullied or did I want to be the bully? yes, sensai.  Well, this is when I got smart enough to snap out of my nonsense - Bad Chi - was gone.  I decided I would stand up for the wimpy kids, unlike that kid who is a narcissistic wimp and has a diary to exploit all his various shades of bulliness to the unknown eye. Yeah, that kid. 

Anywho, I realized (lightbulb moment) I had the power to clear out all the bad energy, so thought became action, which in turn controlled my next move, off I went at 11:30 pm into the kitchen - to make dough - dough that was specifically going to be flapped and fried for it's sheer power of getting rid of the moans and groans left by- Daniel-san- while begging for mercy. PUHLEEZE.  The end result, the smoke detectors went off, the house was screaming "get out of here wimpy Daniel-san - your the best Daniel - kick some Cobra Kai A$$", the smoke cleared and the only remains was the afterthought of Mr. Miyagi and his philosophical blurt 

"Walk on road, hm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later

[makes squish gesture] - get squish just like grape. Here, karate, same thing. Either you karate do "yes" or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"- just like grape. Understand?" 

yes, Mr. Miyagi I understand. "Common sense or squish like grape"- and what about the V8? - it takes a can full of nutrients to come up with a load of midnight crap. 

Who's going to know it's not Converse?

Four kids and mucho money later - invested in school clothes, THOUGHT- why don’t we throw some Christmas decorations and gifts in our carts while we are compiling the usual needs of back to school underwear, socks, notebook paper, and elmers glue into our carts.  Because, the only thing that ranks up there with back to school shopping is Christmas minus the usual presentation of shiny gift wrap and bows. However, the downfall is back to school shopping doesn't  supply parents with a much needed survival kit to survive the overdrawn bank accounts and complaining teens, like the way sugar plums, gingerbread men, and candy canes dance in our heads during Christmas- Of course there is no sugar coated medicated regime for parents at this time – we suffer – and suffer some more –. I think Will Smith should have really been singing "KIDS DONT UNDERSTAND"  I dread this time of year – all the stores running out of the very simplest necessity a first grader needs – crayons and glue  - a thought comes to mind while fighting an anxiety attack – hmmm, rubber cement- fumes- happy? C’mon, like I would really do it.   

Let’s take it back a notch and reflect on my experience of going back to school – grade third.   

Excitement, Excitement and more Excitement – for an 8 year old – I couldn’t wait to get that new box of 64 count crayons, 12 inch wooden ruler, folders with Strawberry Shortcake, #2 pencils, and a new bag. Now, this is where it all goes downhill. I was a third grade runaway. My teacher, Ms. Clement was a horrid haggier looking old lady. She was MEAN!! I’m finally able to talk about my experience, after many nights crying into my pillow about the way she use to make me cry, lol, Really?  She used my ruler to whip my palms, gave my crayons to a child less fortunate, and said Strawberry Shortcake wasn’t real. WHAT? She was to -real, lady. So, I became a runner, every opportunity I had I would run away from school – if I needed to use the restroom – I was out the door-  the doors didn’t have time to make the usual loud creaks and cranks to make my escape noticeable – I ran as fast as my little legs could carry me, which was about 100 feet away to my house- (hey, I probably wouldn’t have ran, if I didn’t live that close to the school). The teacher and school principal eventually got the police involved, so every afternoon between the hours of 11-1pm I was escorted back to the school by Officer Tsosie and my mom. I know right, my own mama ratting me out to the cops. This is when my life of crime began. LOL.  So, every year after that I was usually the last one up when it was time to go to Gallup or Farmington , and of course back to school shopping now had a bad experience attached to it. But, some odd years later –here are my four SPOILED kids – without any bad back to school experiences- sucking every penny out of me to get name brand clothing, shoes, bags – sheesh,  like I said Christmas except there is no shiny gift wrap and stockings hung on the chimney with care–“Do you really need highlighters in every color, what are you planning on highlighting anyway” and the kid is only in 6^th grade.  “Do you really need 3 Areopostale pullovers?  OOHH, and the shoes – SHEESH, kids and shoes is a whole new story. You can no longer entice them with shoes that have their favorite cartoon character on the side – Blues Clues, Dora, Spiderman- those characters  no longer exist in their world – and just think you use to dread going to that isle in the shoe store- that was nothing. We are now talking about shoes that could have its own zip code.  Boots, Tennis Shoes, Sports Shoes, Dress Shoes, Casual Shoes – I once mentioned “hey, I can get you two pairs of shoes for 30 bucks it looks like converse, vans, etc – my kids looked at me in unison with the look of “what the”  (we were at the flea market).  I sometimes imagine what it would be like to be them with a mom like me, naaah, slapping myself back to reality.  Suckers.

MEN AND PMS.

A quick run through for you men, who need a little push in the right direction, when your lady is hormonal.

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s my pay packet.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t over-do it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

(thanks to wittyfish)

Hanging out of it's butt.

JULY - My kids ran up the hill from their grandparents hogan yelling and screaming..”Sick, SICK, that is just gross” my daughter was screaming, shaking to the point of full blown convulsions..” mom, we saw the head and the face was coming out from the butt, it was crying” what in the world were they talking about? Apparently, this cat and those crazy jaans (in this story I am not one of those crazy jaans, on any other day maybe) just dumped off their unwanted 

( #.* ^^Y)  here right out there in front of our animal free homestead..was heard 100 feet away giving birth to her litter of more ( #.* ^^Y)   (like the rez needs more #.* ^^Y)  )..SICK..I can’t stand looking at cats delivering their babies..their slimy, small and have this disturbing look..anywhoo, this cat was meowing and had managed to follow my kids up the hill to our house with it’s baby hangin out of it’s butt, my daughter and I screamed and locked the door..Why we even locked the door went above and beyond explanation..LOL..the cat didn’t feel no love coming from us “scaredy cats” so she went back down the hill screaming and moaning..like some drunken horny hoochie making her rounds at a party..Now it’s OCTOBER-That darn cat, has gotten knocked up AGAIN....last night the kids came running up the hill again screaming “ mom get rid of that darn cat she’s giving birth again, we saw the head again” SERIOUSLY!!!! Now, what to with those kittens again...I'm getting rid of that CAT...today..somehow

 (This happened last summer and was quickly reminded when I saw yet again another preggo cat today waltzing around the TPost parking lot, like it had no care in the world)

HMMMM, let me just sit here and think.

Well, I decided to take my kids to see what's underneath the bridge, surprisingly memories still lurk there, and the fainted walls of supreme galvanized steel is tagged with  so many colors of intrinsic rainbow - splattered on the wall in a wisp and tail of spray can paint.

Graffiti, beautiful in it's own right - it has a home- literally the insides of that home is on a public wall for the world to see as passer byers gather to sit in their living room as an invited guest rather than a stranger with a digital. The old Bond's video shack, now is caretaker to art sublime -

This is all I got now, and to walking the pipe underneath the bridge I'd do it over and over again -  100 times more.

I AM WHO I AM

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights

Oh...I've had it up to here!
The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes

I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype

Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh...am I making myself clear?
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some

I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh...I've had it up to!
Oh...I've had it up to!!
Oh...I've had it up to here!

Grandpa had NOS in his truck

Been Caught Stealing – when I was 5..hahaha..so they say? What was the item? They say it was a can of spam..hahaha LOL – j/k  - that was an answer for combustible bellyaching grins.. I took candy, it wasn’t just plain ole boring candy, it’s the kind that shoots fireworks in your mouth – rock candy. Want a story? Ok, well only because you want me tell you, in any other case this would remain in the vault of my own chamber of secrets, sidenote “”why do men always think women have secrets”” sheesh leave that for another post - we dont' want to get into that right now. Getting back to my story. Well I was 11 years old, see. My grandpa had this sweet blue ford truck, he was like 80 something years old, and cruised like his truck had  NOS  and maybe he was the grandfather of “paul walker” because he was just that handsome, well he took us to the store everyday, it seemed like it, maybe it was like 3 times a week, anywho he spoiled us rotten. Well, on one specific trip to Mexican Water, I grabbed  and grandpa paid for a pack of rock candy gum ( at this point I outgrew sticky hands) I  ran back to the truck – with so much excitement- I ripped the package open and poured half the contents in my mouth, oooohh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about SNAP – CRACKLE- AND POP”. My grandmother who was like in her late 70’s is sitting on the side of me, watching and  suddenly with a rush of her own curiosity and adrenaline - she grabs this candy pack out of my hand , and puts the rest in her mouth 

my grandfather watched her with sheer amazement - maybe it reminded him of why he hooked up with her when she was 14 - she was a curious one - always willing to try new things - she was the girl who was the shiznit - we both watched, grandpa and I- nothing short of mere seconds- came an expression of sheer delight  from this face of an angel…She was addicted, hook, line and sink. 

Rock Candy and NOS, who knew?